Oprah is Ridiculous

VIDEO

Jesus tap dancing Christ. Bitches just going WILD for Oprah and all her shit. Like a bunch of goddam piranhas in a frenzy at feeding time. You see the one chick at the 0:45 mark? You can easily read her lips and see her say “I’m gonna drop dead.” And I legit believe her. I bet that bitch is dead. And people were too busy cheering and hugging each other for their diamond watches and their world vacations to even realize someone was dead. Just stepped right over a corpse on the way to collecting all their shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’d be pretty fuckin excited if a billionaire decided to give me like $50,000 worth of shit, but this is insane. Its also 200% the reason why terrorists attack us. So, yea, laugh it up folks. HO HO HO says Oprah. Too bad you didn’t give iPads to everyone in Al Qeada. Maybe then they wouldn’t fuckin kill us.

Anyway, you’re all in luck today. Today is Jonathan's Favorite Things here on Barstool. Everyone reading today will receive all of my favorite things and noteworthy products which I think are essential for everyone.

1. Eleven Stray Beers From My Fridge

I’ll be honest, its a freakin Christmas Miracle when I wake up and there is still beer left in my fridge. Let alone eleven of them. Everyone reading today receives 11 Bud Lights

2. Cream Cheese

I love cream cheese almost as much as I love provolone cheese. Boom. Everyone reading recieves free cream cheese

3. Dual Cheese Cheez Its

Never again will you have to choose between cheddar and parmesean. Best idea since Kramerica invented ketchup and mustard in the same bottle. Free.

4. Twix Ice Cream Bar

I’m not even kidding when I say that these fucking things changed my life forever. Had my first one ever right before I left for Spain about 4 months ago and I found them here and I haven’t stopped eating them since. They are life-alteringly delicious.

Merry Christmas you filthy animals.