This Trend Of High Waist Mom-Jean Shorts Needs To End Immediately

There’s a storm brewing, folks. A storm of chicks who are finding it acceptable to wear high waisted mom jean shorts. Somewhere along the line the fashion powers-that-be decided that jean shorts up over your belly button became “in.” Chicks think they look hot and chic to wear their shorts up to their armpits like middle aged women have done for years.

I first saw it at our Blackout shows but I thought that was just because people got ridiculous and dressed up like it was fuckin Halloween for those things. But this weekend was when I realized this epidemic has truly reached the masses. What a motherfucking disaster. Everywhere I looked, chicks had their shorts hiked up to their fuckin tits. Looks like someone took a pair of overalls and just chopped the straps off. Looks like a pair of denim Spanxx. Bitches are running around this summer in denim girdles and think they look hot. I cannot stand for this. Will not stand for this. I’ll go on a motherfuckin crusade against these mom shorts. I’ll raise an army if I have too.

And don’t you fuckin dare tell me these are just what the original Daisy Dukes wore and they’re still hot. The original Daisy Dukes pulled them off because she was a smoke actress. Also it was the 70s when everything was fucking weird as shit. After that point anybody who wore their jeans up over their belly button was a fat mom trying to contain their FUPA. See thats the problem with these fucking fashion trends. For every one girl like this who can pull off the look, there's a million that can't.

Yea, the hottest skinniest models can put on these stupid shorts and look hot. They can wear anything and look hot. But when you persuade the masses to wear these, the result is FUPAs and camel toes and a look that reminds me of my mother for the entire decade of the 90s. So, girls – go ahead wear these stupid shorts. Pretend you look like the original Daisy Dukes or the runway models that can pull off any look just so you can be “in.” But just know that you look like a complete asshole.

Chicks Who Dress Like Whores Are Mad At New Rule That Penalizes Cabs For Picking Up Prostitutes

NY Post – They’re not hookers — they just look as if they could be! A dozen scantily clad women rallied outside City Hall yesterday, decrying a bill they say prevents beauties wearing skimpy clothes from getting a fair shot at hailing a yellow cab. The proposal, which will soon get Mayor Bloomberg’s signature, slaps stiff penalties on cabbies who ferry prostitutes and get a cut of the cash. But yesterday’s collection of bartenders and shot girls said that hacks will now be scared to pick up any woman wearing a short skirt or spiked heels — and noted that sometimes, even legitimately employed women have to flaunt it to make a living.  “They don’t even know who is a prostitute or not!” said Diana Estrada, 27, a Sofrito bartender wearing a cleavage-baring spaghetti-strap dress. “You don’t have a shirt on that tells if you’re a prostitute or not.” She frequently takes cabs home to Astoria after leaving late shifts, and she’s concerned taxi drivers will pass her by, since she wears short-shorts or miniskirts. Currently, the city’s Taxi & Limousine Commission has the authority to strip drivers of their licenses if they knowingly partake in sex trafficking. But the new bill — which the City Council unanimously passed Wednesday — would require the TLC to both strip a driver’s license and slap them with a $10,000 penalty if he’s previously been convicted of sex trafficking. On a first offense, a driver goes to a city hearing, where his license could be revoked. The proposal could make cops more willing to arrest drivers who are innocent, said taxi-union boss Fernando Mateo. “I will challenge any one of you to tell me which one of [these women] you would consider to be a prostitute,” he said yesterday. “They’re all sexy.”

Hey Bloomberg are you out of your fuckin mind bro? First 20 ounce sodas and now this. Let me ask you a question, Bear Jew – how the fuck are normal sluts supposed to get cabs under this new rule? Whether they are actual prostitutes or just dressed up in a prostitutes uniform, these broads have places to be. Sluts need to travel too, Bloomberg! I mean this could be the death of the booty call as we know it. You think the chick dressed in the short skirt with her tits out is gonna leave the bar to hop on the subway, transfer to the bus, and walk a couple blocks to go suck your dick? For sure not. Late night cabs for chicks is basically a shuttlebus for sluts. Door to door delivery of chick who’s down to fuck. If every yellow cab out there is weeding out the sexy chicks the whole goddam system falls apart.

Only Bloomberg could come up with a rule to try and stop prostitution that results in more scantily clad women walking the streets.

Sandusky Has Ruined The "Tickle Monster" For Me Forever

 LA Times – The sixth of the accusers who say they were abused by Jerry Sandusky took the witness stand Thursday and described being embraced in the shower by the former Penn State football coach who called himself the “tickle monster.”

You know what Sandusky’s lasting legacy of infamy is gonna be? Ruining Tickle Monster. Now when everyone hears Tickle Monster they’re just gonna think of this old rapist with gross teeth doing unspeakable things to boys in the shower. Meanwhile Tickle Monster used to be the most harmless, most fun thing a dad ever did with his children. In my house Tickle Monster was like a fuckin sport. We ran around the house and my father tried to peg us with a blanket tied up in a knot. It was basically like dodgeball. Me and my brother ran around trying to dodge the shit our father threw at us and if you got hit you got tickeled. Hiding behind furniture and shit like we were in The Assault on American Gladiators. Probably my favorite memory from my childhood. Now nobody is ever gonna play Tickle Monster ever again. Just like nobody names their kids Adolf. Such a goddam shame.

My whole childhood just got retroactively creepy. I feel like I gotta go testify in this trial now.

Mexican Town Sets Up “Theme Park” So You Can Simulate an Illegal Border Crossing

Oddity Central- Located 100 kilometers from the US border, and about two hours away from Mexico City, the small town of El Alberto has become one of Mexico’s most popular tourist attractions. Seven years ago, 90% of the local population had crossed over into the US in search of the American Dream, and the small settlement had become a modern ghost town. Now, El Alberto has a population of around 3,000 and draws in thousands of tourists every year, all eager to experience the unique activity that put this place on the map. The Night Walk illegal border crossing is split into several stages. First, there’s roll call, after which the would-be emigrants are packed in the back of pick-up trucks and taken to the starting point, where they are given an explanation of what they are about to go through. A “coyote” (people smuggler) tells them they will be facing rough conditions, spiders, snakes, poisonous plants and the vigilant border patrol, but that it’s not even 5% of what a real migrant has to go through to reach his goal. The State Government of Hidalgo has accused the Eco Alberto Park of making fun of emigrants and even of training Mexicans so they can cross the border into America for real, but the parks’ representatives say that since they started organizing the Night Walk activity, in the summer of 2004, 60% of the local population preferred to remain home, instead of putting their lives in danger and being exploited in the US.

Hey Mexicans slow your roll hombres.  You want to cross our borders illegally that’s fine.  You want to take our jobs and demand citizen’s rights and drive up insurance premiums that’s all you.  But chill out with this “theme park” shit.    I mean I’m not mad at the hustle of whoever dreamed this up, but who are they trying to fool? A theme park is a place you can pay with an empty can of Coke for the privilege of spending the day surrounded by fat people dressed in Looney Tunes graphic tees kids and high school kids on band trips. This, on the other hand, is as much a theme park as the Taliban training camps in Afghanistan. This isn’t a tourist attraction, it’s a Mexican version of Ocean’s 11. Something tells me that real tourists aren’t going to visit the Beheading Capital of the World just so they can figure out how to escape if they lose their passport.

Couple Lives With Pet Bengal Tiger

Daily Mail – In many ways Enzo is just like any other house cat: he likes attention, loves sleeping and can’t wait to get his claws into the furniture. But this adorable one-year-old is no common moggy. In fact, he’s a 27-stone pet Bengal tiger who lives with Michael Jamison and his girlfriend Jackie Smit in Brakpan, South Africa.

Over/under on days until the follow up story of the nice South African couple ravaged in their sleep and ripped limb from limb by a Bengal Tiger?  I’d say 1 month.  I don’t care how much Enzo the Tiger likes his baby bottle of warm milk and his binky.  I don’t care how cute he is when he nuzzles up against your napping face or when he rolls around on the carpets begging you to scratch his belly.  Bro is a tiger.  Make no mistake about it.  He will eat you and he will eat all of you.  Sure he may love you now but at the end of the day, tiger’s gonna tiger.  Consider yourself warned.

Women Scared That Porn and Video Games Are Ruining Society

AVI- All those hours spent in front of a screen, not just watching porn but playing video games too, is leaving men in the dust socially, unable to relate to women and unable to function in society, according to a new study. In HBO’s new show ‘Girls’, creator Lena Dunham conjures up an image of young men so inundated with online porn that they almost unwittingly try to re-enact it in their own boudoir escapades. The show is fictional, but Stanford University psychologist Philip Zimbardo believes there’s a lot of reality to it. “We found that guys are failing in school and with women, and becoming socially isolated,” LA Times quoted Zimbardo as saying. “This was based on extensive research, a survey and observations made by parents we know, kids we’ve talked to, grandparents, even women saying, “I can’t find a guy to have a conversation with.” Duncan agreed, also highlighting the “risk of social rejection” reduced by playing video games. “Video games show them that they can be the master of the universe. They feel good when they play video games, and there’s no risk of social rejection,” Duncan said.

Wahwahwah porn and video games are ruining society, no guys wants to talk to us they just want to beat off and play Madden.  Fuck that. Men don’t have to adjust to society…society has to adjust to men. We’ve always been the pioneers. It’s not our fault the technological advancements of the past 20 years have redefined the game. 5,000 years ago cavemen used to jerk off to stick figures drawn in yak blood on a rock wall and probably thought that was where it was at. Now with a couple of clicks you can probably find a woman having sex with a yak in 1080p and Dolby 5.1 surround sound. It’s a whole new ballgame, and society needs to accept this. As far as I’m concerned, you don’t change the rules by playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played. You change the game by becoming the commissioner. It’s only a matter of time before the National Porn and Video Game Association becomes a thing, and I want to make sure I have the credentials to get the nomination.

Also, the reason that you can’t find a guy to have a conversation with probably isn’t because he watches porn and plays video games. I’d be willing to bet most of the time it’s because you’re a fucking awful person to be around. I understand why you might be concerned that men are spending more time staring at a screen than talking to you, but that’s only because the screen is more interesting than you are. If men thought is was worth a time investment to talk to you, they would. But if I have to pick between shooting zombies in the head and listening to girl talk about how her classes are going and why Stacey is such a dramatic bitch, I’m going with the first one 9 out of 10 times. And the one time I do decide to listen I like to think I’m able to carry out a conversation, because I want it to end like all the porn that I watch. It’s all about balancing various states of mind. I have no problem telling a 14 year old on Xbox Live that he’s gay and I banged his mom, but I’m not going to go up to a girl at the bar and drop that as my opening line. I also have no problem watching two naked Russian acrobats defy the laws physics and flexibility, but I’m not going to try and reenact it. I know my limits, and I also know that the Soviet Jackhammer is not a thing that real people do. Society needs to take a load off. Try watching some porn.

Does Liking Girly Flavors of Vodka Make Me a Pussy?

I’ll admit right up front that while I can hold my own when it comes to drinking, I’m a gigantic pussy when it comes to most types of hard liquor. My Irish heritage makes it so whiskey tastes like water, but most alcohol agrees with me like a gender studies major at a Blackout show. The last time I had rum I woke up to a broken television and a pile of clothes covered in urine, which must have happened when I forgot to lock the door before passing out, so some drunk guy came in and pissed everywhere. If I see someone do a shot of tequila at a bar, I have to make a conscious effort to suppress my gag reflex (And before anyone can comment: “Easy for you because of all the dicks you suck.”) In preparation for summer, my current non-beer drink of choice is the John Daly, which consists of 60 proof pink lemonade vodka mixed with iced tea. Not exactly moonshine from a mason jar. But even I have limits on just how girly I was willing to go. Or so I thought.

In my weekly rotation of various neighborhood liquor stores (being a borderline alcoholic is like being a serial killer; can’t be too careful covering your tracks or they’ll realize what you really are) I’ve noticed that more and more variations of flavored rubbing alcohol have been popping up, with most of them seeming to appeal to people more disposed to being born with a vagina. And even though it would make for a better joke, when I’m talking about these masculinity challenging flavors I’m not referring to the fruity stuff. I mean the real exotic shit.  Smirnoff came out with marshmallow and whipped cream vodka a little while ago, but any apprehension I might have initially had was balanced out by the erection that the commercials gave me. But then things started to get out of hand. Pinnacle came into the vodka game like its shit doesn’t stink and just started dropping every flavor imaginable. They have options like cake, fire ball, and cotton candy; the list goes on for days. Back in the 80s and 90s cigarette companies got in trouble using cartoons to market to children, but these motherfuckers are blowing them out of the water. At first I couldn’t comprehend who else would want to buy these besides a five year old with a drinking problem. But then I got the chance to take a shot of the cake flavor, and my deepest fear was realized: this shit is delicious.

Cake vodka actually tastes like a Funfetti cake dipped in a shitload of booze. And once I realized it existed I couldn’t stop there. Cake vodka was my gateway. I went to pick up more and I was like a kid in a candy store if that candy store sold candy flavored alcohol. I got cookie dough, marshmallow, motherfucking Swedish fish; it’s like revisiting your childhood, only this time it’s fueled by 70 proof vodka. Now I’m not saying that I walk into a store every Friday and buy a handle of whipped cream vodka. But I’m kind of hooked, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I know it’s the 21^st century and we’re big on acceptance and not subscribing to social stigmas, but I still totally do and so does basically every other person alive. I’m way too vain to just do my own thing. There’s a reason I didn’t go to fucking art school. So hopefully some of the more knowledgeable readers can help me decide, because if anyone is the voice of reason, it’s my readers: Is it alright to openly enjoy the girliest drinks to hit the shelves in recent memory, or do I just have a case of the gay? Tweet me. 

I Need To Hire This Professional Pencil Sharpener And I Needed To Hire Him Yesterday

Youtube – David Rees, author of the new book “How to Sharpen Pencils” shares his equipment and technique, using Palomino Blackwing pencils. Artisanal Pencil Sharpening is part of the BLACKWING EXPERIENCE, an interactive exhibition and event celebrating the iconic tool of the creative fields at the Art Directors Club on April 17th, 2012.

Do I use pencils anymore?  No.  Does anybody on planet earth use pencils anymore?  No.  (Lee Corso notwithstanding)   Do I need to hire this professional pencil sharpener?  Absolutely.   Because this is what building an empire is all about.  Assembling a team of individuals each with their own unique set of talents.   You walk into one room and you have the Lord of Cotton Candy. You walk into another room and you have a professional pencil sharpener.   You walk into a 3rd room and you have sex slaves.  When you combine all the talents you have an unstoppable fighting machine.   That’s how you win wars.    And  yes I would keep an automatic pencil sharpener on my desk just so whenever the professional pencil sharpener disappointed me I’d threaten to use the automatic right in face.   You know that must be the equivalent of pouring hot lava on this guy’s head

Who Should Be The First 4 People We Send To Mars?

Yahoo -  It sounds like a science-fiction fantasy, but the company Mars One says it’s for real—and that it will really establish a settlement on the planet Mars by 2023. The privately financed Dutch company has a plan. All it needs is a lot of cash, equipment and four Mars-bound astronauts who are willing to take a one-way trip to the red planet. The idea is to first send rovers, which will stake out a good site for a settlement and then build out living units. In 2022, the crew will take a “transit habitat” for the seven-month trip to Mars and settle in to their new home. The intention is that the crew will live on the planet for the rest of their lives. Every two years after that, another group will join the settlement to populate the colony. Mars One co-founder Bas Lansdorp has avery modern approach to funding the project: media exposure. “We will finance this mission by creating the biggest media event ever around it.” He said in a company video, adding, “Everybody in the world can see everything that will happen in the preparations and on Mars.” Think of it as a “Big Brother” for outer space. Already, the other-worldly idea has intrigued the Web. The Mars One video has received over 232,000 views on YouTube since it launched less than a week ago. Beyond entertainment, some scientists certainly seem intrigued by the possibility of interplanetary travel. Theoretical physicist and Nobel Prize winner Gerard ‘t Hooft, a “mission ambassador” for Mars One, endorses the plan. He says, “This project seems to be the only way to fulfill humanity’s dream to explore outer space. It’s going to be an exciting experiment.” Next year, according to its website, the company will begin an astronaut selection process. Those who have the right stuff will then undergo a decade of preparation. And, we assume, the Mars travelers will be ready for their out-of-this-world close-up.

First off all, this is a fuckin wacky idea. These guys acting like we’re gonna send people to live on Mars permanently in 10 years is hilarious. Like its already 2012 and we still live in a world where a man dressed in a hat and uniform walks up and down the aisles of Metro North trains clicking our paper tickets with a hole puncher. Dude parades up and down the train calling himself a “conductor.” Yea, sure thing bro. A train conductor is like a dude who shoveled coal into the fire to power a locomotive. You carry a hole puncher.

Anyway, I’m digressing. Point its, its not like we live in a world of flying cars and robots and shit and we’re on the verge of intergalactic colonies. But at the same time a Truman Show on Mars would probably the biggest money maker in the history of television, so lets just assume for the time being they could pull this off. Who should Earth send as the first 4 inhabitants to begin populating Mars?

Obviously I’m the number 1 draft pick. I have my finger on the entire pulse of the male population. I’m educated. I have wit and charm. Humor. And I’m good looking enough that I won’t end up breeding an ugly race of Martians. Its a no brainer.

Especially considering the number 2 pick is Nina Dobrev. Hottest young actress on the planet right now. While my lazy eyed genes may not be the best, she easily makes up for my aesthetic short comings. Together we will begin breeding a planet of fucking gorgeous Martians with the wit, charm, and creativity of Shakespeare.

Number 3 is Mike Tyson. He’s the craziest, most intriguing human to ever walk the planet earth. A physical specimen. A mental catastrophe. He’s the hunter. The warrior. Its a risk bringing a crazy motherfucker who can kill you with his bare hands, but its a risk I’m willing to take. The inhabitants of Mars are going to need a little crazy to spice things up. Can’t have a vanilla planet. So I’m bringing the crazy train with me. Welcome aboard, Iron Mike. Not sure how happy Nina is gonna be sharing a Mars pod with a convicted rapist, but new planet, new leaf.

The 4th person. Now thats the wild card. We’ve already covered brains, beauty, and strength with the first three choices. Whats the 4th? Personally I’d like another girl for Mike to have sex with because I’d really prefer that he didn’t bang Nina. But thats just selfish of me. Do you just pick another dude with valuable traits and maybe get a shipment of all women after 2 years? Or do you pick another woman to be like the motherly care taker of the planet while I bang Nina Dobrev 24 hours, 29 minutes and 35 seconds a day? Tough decision.

Sound off. Whos the 4th?

It’s Science: Women’s Brains Have To Work Harder To Perform Same Tasks As Men…And They Make More Mistakes

DM – Women who are worriers have to work harder to perform simple tasks than men, and make more mistakes on difficult ones, researchers claim. In a US study, those who suffered from anxiety had distracting thoughts that got in the way of them succeeding. By contrast the men tested showed no signs of anxiety, and didn’t have to work so hard to achieve the same results. A research team at Michigan State University enlisted the help of almost 150 college students, half of them women. An electrode cap was used to measure their brain activity while they performed a simple task, which involved identifying the middle letter in a series of five-letter groups on a computer screen. They were also asked to complete questionnaires rating how much and how often they worried. Although the women who rated themselves as more anxious performed the same as the men on the tasks, researchers discovered their brains had to work harder at it.

Ladies I’m not here to stir the pot for the simple sake of pageviews, unique visitors, ad clicks, Facebook likes, and reader comments…that would be selfish. I’m here to stir the pot because SCIENCE stirred the pot. I consider myself a pretty scientific guy, and see no reason why we should go against a concrete factual scientific study. So what if this research in its entirety was only 150 people playing one problem-solving computer game? It’s RESEARCH. They had brain sensors and shit. It’s official. Women’s brains struggle to think at man-brain speed.

Hey — it’s okay. There are plenty of women who are smarter than men and little girls should grow up knowing that if they work hard they can become anything they want Secretary of State. This doesn’t drastically change anything. BUT, it does prove that when humans of near-equal mental ability come together on a project…you should probably let the men handle the heavy thinking. Best to worry about Nicki Minaj or what .GIF file looks most like your face when your BFF does blah blah blah.  It’s science

Meet The Good Effort Good Job Kid

NBC Miami –The face behind that voice is 9-year-old Jack Meyer. “I said ‘Good job, good effort’ and Terrel (Harris) noticed me and gave me a thumbs up,” he said. Jack has been a Heat fan since he was 3 or 4. He loves to play ball with his dad, and enjoys collecting the team’s memorabilia in his room. His Heat-themed bed is “super cozy,” he says. So when people have the audacity to question whether the young Coral Gables hoops fan was mocking the Heat, the passion in his voice makes it obvious where he stands. “LeBron James was fighting so hard, Shane Battier, Udonis Haslem. Chris Bosh only played 14 minutes, yet one of his best games,” he said. Jack, who was at the game with his father James, hopes his cheers will encourage the team for Game 6. “You can’t give up this easily,” he said. “You know there’s always got to be a second chance for you. You always have the power to win.”

I fucking love this kid.   I really do.  Like if I did buy tickets this is who I’d take.   Just stick him in a bird cage and poke him with a stick whenever I needed the “good job, good effort” chant.  I mean as much as I hate the Heat and as many hours as I’ve spent daydreaming about their demise even I never fantasized about something this perfect.  A 9 year old troll who says he isn’t a troll encapsulating everything that is fucking wrong with the Heat, the city of Miami and Lebron’s entire sorry existence.   All in 4 simple words that will live on forever and be a constant reminder of Miami’s shortcomings as a team and human beings.  “Good job, good effort.”     Love it.

Has there ever been more of a “We’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you” moment in the history of humankind? Hey Jack its pretty awesome that you’ve been a big fan since you were 3 or 4 and have a super cozy bedroom, but guess what?

The world hates you, Lebron, Wade, Battier, Haslem, Bosh and the entire city of Miami with the fire of a thousand suns. Truth hurts.

So when the media talks about your enthusiasm and your loyalty and all that other jazz, the rest of the real world just thinks of you as the poster child for a bunch of underachieving losers who think that just doing a good job and giving a good effort is enough. A bunch of guys who are happy with their individual first half performances who can’t even get past Old Man Garnett and the rest of the old folks on the Celtics. But good job getting that thumbs up from Terrel Harris. Good effort.

PS – On a serious note though, not being sarcastic or making fun anymore, good job and good effort with that comb-over flow. Great lettuce. If you weren’t such a bitch rooting for the Heat and talking about your super cozy bedroom I bed you’d be a ladykiller

The Flip Side Of Dating

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6xKhth3K8Q&feature=player_embedded

Second Flip Side video and this one kills it as well.  In a world of literally bajillions of dumb unoriginal videos and unfunny people trying to be funny it’s cool to see some actually being clever.  Of course I’m sure they’ll put out 20 more of these with 1000 spoofs by the end of the day and I’ll hate it like I hate everything else so go figure.


PS-  If you’re a dude and you actually do some of these things in real life does that make you gay or just really in touch with your masculinity?   Not talking about anything specific just maybe like watching the Notebook or watching the Bachelor in front of your computer and live tweeting it to name things hypothetically.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzJC9OCT0ss&feature=player_embedded

The People Who Made The “Flip Side” Youtubes Are Back With “Caller ID”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkCmzQLv7BQ&feature=player_embedded


Not as good as the Flip Side videos, but it touches upon one of my favorite phenomena. Everyone always puts people in their phones with absurd names. Just for shits. I’d say 90% of the numbers I ever got in my whole life I never even called or texted but just put it in my phone as an accomplishment. Like a badge on a Boy Scout vest but a lot less creepy and pedohpily. Obviously you always make them blatantly disrespectful for fun when you know theres no chance you’re ever calling. One night I was wingmanning hard for my boy and had to put up with a fat drunk disgusting mess named Patricia. She went in as Patty Bomb. My old landlord was a dude and I put him in there as Pedophile Jeff. Doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, sometimes you just need that extra descriptor.

Good News For Dudes With Curved Dicks – There’s Some Medicine To Fix Your Crooked Cock

NY Times – It can be painful and embarrassing for men: a disease that causes a curvature of the penis that makes intercourse difficult or impossible. Now a drug company says it may have an effective treatment. Auxilium Pharmaceuticals says that its drug Xiaflex succeeded in two late-stage clinical trials, which could put the product on a path to become the first medicine approved on the basis of solid evidence for the condition, Peyronie’s disease. In both trials, injections of Xiaflex reduced the curvature by significantly more than placebo injections, according to a news release expected to be issued by the company Monday morning. And in both trials the drug also reduced how bothered the men felt about their condition significantly more than the placebo did. The results “are not overwhelming and dramatic,” said Dr. Culley C. Carson III, a professor of urology at the University of North Carolina and an investigator in the trial. But, he added, “it’s a major advantage over what we have now, which is nothing.” Named after the French surgeon who described it in 1743, Peyronie’s disease is identified by a fibrous plaque in the penis that can cause curvature during an erection. Auxilium, which is based in Malvern, Pa., says that 5 percent of men have Peyronie’s, though estimates vary, and many men who have it are thought not to reveal that. Only a fraction of those with plaque have curvature, however. Citing medical claims data, Auxilium estimates that 65,000 to 120,000 American men receive such a diagnosis each year.

Alright first thing’s first, I took a bullet for everyone and google image’d Peyronie’s Disease to see what we’re working with. Because I don’t think I’d fix my dick if I had one of those dicks that curve upwards like a ski jump. If the G Spot exists you need somewhat of a crooked cock to hit that thing. But I looked at a handful of these pictures and diagrams and some of these dicks – we’re talking straight up right angles. 90 degrees. Like you piss around corners with these dicks. Crooked to the left, right. Up, down. Crazy.

So if I had Peyronie’s I’d be banging on the door of this clinic asking for a lifetime supply of dick straightening pills. I’m sure there are some Peyronie’s tough guys out there who try to pretend their crooked cock is a good thing. Probably claim it makes sex better with a different shape. Just like the guys who are uncircumcised who claim they like it better because your dick is more sensitive. Yea, sure thing. Whatever you say, Weird Dick. You’re grasping at straws. Its like the people who say Mark Teixeira is still worth the money because of his glove. When you gotta pick out obscure reasons to try to justify why something is good, deep down you know its not.

Bottom line is, having a strange looking dick is not a good look, no matter how you cut it. No chick wants to pull down a dude’s pants and see a “L” shaped Tetris block hanging between his legs

Stuyvesant HS Girls Hold “Slutty Wednesday” To Combat School’s Strict Dress Code

NY Post – Nearly 100 smarties at the city’s top-performing high school bared their bodies in “risque” outfits yesterday to denounce their school’s conservative dress code — which bans the exposure of shoulders, midriffs, lower backs, bras and undies. Stuyvesant HS students held the so-called “Slutty Wednesday” protest after girls got fed up with being told throughout the year that their short skirts and sleeveless tops made them more fit for a club dance floor than for a seat at the best public school in town. Boys in tank tops complained that the administration’s apparent emphasis on keeping the girls well-covered was not only biased, but it also maligned the guys as horny teens who can’t control themselves when they see too much skin.  “We work our asses off here, and school is about learning. Clothing is not important,” said ninth-grader Lucy Greider, who said she has been sent to the office 10 times this school year for showing off too much cleavage, midriff or shoulder. “Sometimes, the teachers will call you out in the hallway, [but] I like what I wear. I want to have my own style in school,” she added. “A lot of the classrooms don’t have a/c’s and when it is 80 degrees outside and it is really hot, it’s perfectly OK to show a little skin.” The dress code, which was introduced in the fall, bars students from donning tops with text or images in bad taste. Shorts, dresses and skirts are not permitted to end above the fingertips when students extend their arms down at their sides.

“Its 80 degrees and really hot.” “I want to have my own style.” “Clothing is not important.” Blah blah fucking blah. Just own up to it and tell the truth. “I want to wreck dicks.” If clothing isn’t important, why break the rules and cause such a scene? Because you want to wreck dicks. School is all about learning than why do you organize rallies of sluts in the middle of the week? Because you want to wreck dicks. Hey I ain’t knockin it, babe! No way you can ever wreck a dicks if you’re dressed in a turtleneck like your Asian and Indian classmates that follow the rules up there.

Although I hate to be an asshole with the semantics of this whole event but this should really be called “Dress Slutty Wednesday.” Slutty Wednesday would really be you running around the hallways giving out blow jobs and hand jobs to all the nerds you can get your hands on. I’m not trying to be a stickler I’m just saying when you’re inevitably branded as a whore for this stunt you’re gonna be playing the whole “Just because I’m dressed this way does not make me a whore!” card. But to quote a great comedic philosopher – you’re wearing a whore’s uniform. We inevitably know those two paths of how you dress and how you behave eventually converge and become one. I’m not sure what I can and can’t say about the girls mentioned in this article but I’ll just say if I was a dude at Stuyvesant I’d be locking them down as a prom date ASA motherfuckin P.

PS – Do these chicks not have fathers? They can’t possible have fathers, right?

Guy Catches His Kids Drinking So He Forced Them To Do Shots Until They Blacked Out Then Threw Them in The Pool

SURPRISE, Ariz. — A Surprise man has been arrested after police say he forced his sons to drink alcohol and threw them into a swimming pool to teach them a lesson. Kristopher Harvey, 32, faces two counts of child abuse charges. Police were called to Harvey’s home near Bell and Litchfield roads Monday night after a neighbor reported hearing a male screaming and crying in the backyard. Officers said Harvey appeared to be highly intoxicated when they arrived. Harvey’s sons, ages 12 and 13, told police that their father made them drink alcohol and they were drunk, according to court documents. The boys were visiting from Texas where they live with their grandmother. The boys told police that they drank some of their father’s alcohol last week and his girlfriend found out. When she told Harvey about it, he said he was going to teach the boys and lesson and started making them take shots of hard liquor, according to the paperwork. Harvey reportedly told his sons they were not allowed to go back into the home until they finished their shots and then threw them in the pool.

How about this kid who drew attention of neighbors because he was “screaming and crying”?  Bro you’re 13 years old.   Seriously what the fuck?  Talk about being in for a rude awakening when you hit high school.  Anyway listen I love America but this is probably our biggest problem.  Total morons when it comes to drinking.  21 drinking age?  You can drive a car or go to war and die for your country before you can have a beer?  Get arrested and taken to court if you drink before that?    Ridiculous.  Only one way to learn how to drink and what your limits are and that’s to get shit faced drunk in a controlled environment.  Drink until you puke so you know exactly where you can push yourself to and where to cut yourself off.  Even better if you have an adult to supervise.  Which is exactly what Kristopher Harvey had going here if I’m not mistaken.  I mean do you want your kids out at some stranger’s house slugging booze with no idea what’s going to happen?  Mixing all sorts of liquors and beers all willy nilly with no regard for human safety?    Then they get behind the wheel of a car or just drop dead from aclochol poisoning?  Fuck that.  Keep them under your roof.  Feed them booze until they puke that shit everywhere.  Then toss em in the deep end to wake em up.  Nothing will sober your ass up like barely escaping drowning to death in your backyard.   Couldn’t agree with the parenting strategy more