Today In Zimbabwe Sex News: Woman Faints After Telepathic Rape By Elderly Man

Arbroath – A Zimbabwean woman fainted waiting for her passport after a daring man using mubobobo magic pounced on her with his unusual sexual antics. The accused man was in the same queue with the victim at Masvingo Registrar General’s Office, applying for passports. Several women complained of feeling dizzy as the man unleashed the mubobobo on unsuspecting victims. The man who is thought to be in his late 60s stood behind women and word is that he usually comes to the offices when there are many people. Old as he appeared, he stands outside the offices as if he wants to obtain a passport but many people have since found out that he would be having a different agenda of executing his ‘African Technology’ mission. The man would apparently, after satisfying his sexual ego through mysterious ways popularly known as mubobobo, which is akin to witchcraft, move away from the queue. Last month, the man is said to have seduced one woman twice before she fainted and was taken to the guardroom where upon recovery, she confirmed that she felt as if she had been having sex with a man. “Ndange ndichinzwa sendiri kukwirwa ndobva ndapunzika, uye handisati ndambopunzika ( someoneI felt as if I was having sex with, and I have never experienced this before),” she confirmed this to her female rescuer who later told all and sundry about the remote control man.

Well it appears like I have a new favorite word — mubobobo. Normal languages would’ve probably just stopped after the second ‘bo’, but that’s not how things work in Zimbabwe. Their words — like their runners — go long distance.

So if I’m understanding correctly, mubobobo is like a form of kavorka that one can control with the mind. Instead of simply creating attraction to the self, a person trained in this form of ‘African Technology’ can bang chicks so thoroughly through mental control that they straight-up pass out from pleasure. Sign me up, Zimbabwe.  This shit makes tantra class look like Rookie ball.  Hell yeah I’m trying to learn your African sex secrets and leave this planet as a mentally freaky 90 year-old.  Ya’ll can laugh at this like it’s just another ridiculous Zimbabwe sex story if you want, just don’t get mad when you meet me in real life and I make your girl cream her Vicky’s with my slick mubobobo mental technology.

Africa!