Daily Mail – A superhero impersonator died after wrapping himself in three rolls of cling film and a red nylon sheet in a bizarre solo sex game which went wrong, an inquest heard. James Lockless, 50, was discovered dead in his flat when police officers broke the door down after his friends and neighbours realised he was missing. The officers found him dead in a dark room near three rolls of cling film and a weight-lifting bench in the property in Carshalton, Surrey. Police officers initially thought the karate teacher and impersonator of the Marvel Comics character Wolverine may have been murdered. When other officers arrived and cut the sheet off the body, they found cling film wrapped tightly around various parts of his body including his neck and ankles. A post-mortem examination revealed he had died from autoerotic asphyxia, a coroner, sitting in Croydon, heard.The alarm was raised when he failed to turn up for a karate lesson and his body was found. Police found the body lying on its left hand side bound from head to toe in red nylon on the floor. The officers had to cut three rolls of cling film attached to his body. It was around his ankles and other places including his neck. In returning a verdict of misadventure, Coroner Dr Roy Palmer, said: ‘He managed to do what he did entirely on his own’.
Hey Wolverine you ain’t so bad! You ain’t so tough anymore are you big guy! Animal-keen senses. Enhanced physical capabilities. Three retracting bone claws on each hand. Healing factor that allows him to recover from virtually any wound, disease or toxin at an accelerated rate. Just don’t let him near the Saran wrap! Typical mutant idiot. Think you’re so hard walking around like your shit don’t stink. Shooting spikes out of your knuckles like you run the joint. Grabbing everybody’s wife and girlfriend and kinky-sexing em right in their grill piece just because you can. Guess who’s not so tough anymore? Don’t care how big and bad and bizarro your sex game is. Big ass Wolverine dick pumped full of Adamantium ain’t clearing those windpipes under 80 pounds of cling wrap broth
Not to kick a dead superhero impersonator while he’s dead, but Wolverine would never die in a solo sex game. Ever. Whether you wanna talk about his retractable bone claws, his metal alloy adamantium skeleton or his advanced healing capabilities, long story short is he would never saran wrap himself to death while trying to jerk off. Now if this guy was a Cyclops impersonator or something, it would make perfect sense. Cyclops was such a tool I could definitely see him dying while trying to beat his dick. Crying about the fact that Jean Grey sits at home telepathically fingerblasting herself dreaming about Wolverine’s adamantium dick deep inside her.Wahhh I need to wear nerdy glasses to control my optic blast! Waahhh my girlfriend wants to fuck Wolverine! Waaah I’m gonna wrap this cling wrap around my neck and try to jerk off AHHH I’m dead.
That wouldn’t surprise me one bit. But Logan? For sure not. Dude is too bad ass to ever jerk himself off to death
No comments:
Post a Comment