This girl and I almost got in a fist fight the other day buying a Yankee Candle. She was just wandering all over the store smelling every candle in the joint without a care in the world. She’d be like oh Beachwood smells great. I think we should get that one. Or how about Sun and Sand? Woman are you crazy!? You can’t buy summer candles in April. Everybody knows that. You got to go with Meadow Showers or Lilac Blossoms or some shit like that. Like honestly I didn’t even know people thought about buying candles that didn’t match up with the seasons. I feel that’s something a terrorist would do. I don’t care if Island Guava can literally suck my dick. You got to stay in season. Always.
PS – If my whole graduate school thing doesn't pan out, my next dream job would be a Yankee Candle name namer.
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