Journal Sentinel - He calls himself the Watchman. He won’t give his real name. His identity is obscured by a bright red mask that covers half his goateed face. He wears black boots, black pants, black leather gloves and a black trench coat, but there’s a large yellow circle on the chest of his black hooded sweatshirt, with a big W. “I’m what people refer to as a real-life superhero,” he says. “While most reactions to what I do are positive, there are a few negative responses,” he explains, adding that the disguise protects his family – a wife and two young sons – from any of that. “I’m the one who decided to do this, not them,” he says. “They should not have to suffer for it.” “Somebody needs to do something,” explains the Watchman, who contemplated becoming a police officer before donning his mask. “There’s something everybody can do to make the world a little bit better,” he says. So the 6-foot, 200-pound, 30-something crime fighter patrols Riverwest in costume, with a flashlight and pepper spray on hand – and a black Motorola cell phone as his weapon of choice. “It’s about reporting it,” he says. “Contacting police, or getting an ambulance out here if it’s a medical situation.” As for super powers? None, he says. “I’m just a guy. I may look a little funny, but I’m just a guy. And I’m out here to let everybody know that they can do their part.” He’s not the only guy. The Watchman belongs to the Great Lakes Heroes Guild. “We combine resources, work together and share information,” he says.
Welp, just like everything else in Milwaukee this super hero fuckin stinks. A flashlight and pepper spray? Why don’t you just get a Rape Whistle and wear bicycle reflectors and then Milwaukee will be the safest town in America! If I’m reading this correctly this dude just walks around town and calls the cops and shit? Thats not a super hero thats a fuckin tattle tale. A tattle tale with a shitty name.
You know what my name would be if I was a Super Hero? Neither do I because I never for one fuckin second thought about being a super hero. What do I look like, some sort of sucker? You want me to waste my time and put my neck on the line to help other people? FUCK NO. What the fuck do I get in return? Nothing. I had this argument once with my boy and he was like “Yea but look at Bruce Wayne he was always fucking chicks.” Yea he was fucking chicks because he owned Wayne Enterprises and was a billionaire. If you’re asking me would I like to be a billionaire playboy the answer is yes. But fuck all that caped crusader noise.
Just look at Superman. Superman is the poster child for why I wouldn’t want to be a super hero. Dude spends all his time flying around the earth to reverse time and stopping Lex Luthor from blowing up nukes and fighting those three bad guys who wear MC Hammer pants who get trapped in space inside those pieces of square glass, and he spends none of his time fucking Lois Lane. Like I wouldn’t last one day with a secret identity. After I save your ass from an elevator on the Eiffel Tower plummeting a hundred stories to your death you can bet your bottom fucking dollar I’m revealing that I’m Clark Kent and will be fully expecting a blow job at the Daily Planet tomorrow morning.
PS – Please don’t misunderstand my intentions here. While I personally would never want to be Superman and I’d prefer to be Bruce Wayne and fuck bitches, that does not mean I think Batman is the superior super hero. Superman is hands down, no questions asked the greatest super hero of all time. Anyone who says Batman and his belt of toys is better than the Man of Steel needs to kill themselves.
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