Study Says Just Holding A Beer Makes You Seem Dumb

AOL – (Sept. 15) – It doesn’t take a Mel Gibson tirade to know that people say dumb things when they’re drunk. But new evidence shows that drinking is bad for your image even if you don’t open your mouth. In fact, according to a working paper from the University of Michigan’s Scott Rick and the University of Pennsylvania’s Maurice Schweitzer, just holding a glass of alcohol makes you look stupid. It does not matter if you’re male or female, or whether you drink beer or wine — if people see you drinking, they think you’re dumber than you’d otherwise appear. “It hurts you,” Rick tells AOL News. The study conducted five experiments. One had people judge photographs of others holding an alcoholic drink, a non-alcoholic one or nothing. Another experiment tested how persuasive a speech would be if the audience knew the speaker was drinking alcohol or something nonalcoholic. In both cases, alcohol dimmed the perceived intelligence of the people holding the drinks. The most damning and universally applicable finding, however, came from the experiment that melded alcohol and job-seeking. Let’s say a potential employer takes you, the potential employee, to dinner. The study shows that when you order a glass of wine or a beer, the employer views you as less desirable — even if the employer orders a drink as well. “There are so many associations with alcohol,” he adds. And very few of them are positive, as Rick’s study reminds.

If you go through the archives of Barstool Syracuse, you’ll see that one of my favorite past times is making fun of “studies.” Its right up there with people getting hurt and me referencing my days in elementary school. There are dozens of “studies” that I have ripped over the past year ranging from “guys don’t like to fuck fat girls” to the “most sex happy city.” But never have I come across a more outlandish study than this. If I were alcohol I would sue this Scott Rick joker for slander, liable, and everything else under the sun. Because this entire notion is a bold face lie.

Holding a beer does not make you seem dumb. On the contrary motherfuckers. It makes you seem completely normal is what it does. You ever look at someone in a bar who doesn’t have a drink in their hand? They look like a fuckin idiot. Matter of fact they look downright dangerous. Its like when you see an unattended package at the subway station or some shady character acting shifty wearing bulky and inappropriate clothing. Last time I saw some dude creeping around the bar without a beer in his hand I called 911. If you see something say something.

Bear in mind that the entire point of going to a bar is to drink alcohol, no? So how does the guy that goes to a bar and doesn’t drink look smart? I’d assume you’re lost or a foreigner (and we all know foreigners aren't real people). Thats like going to In N Out and not getting the burger. If you ain’t gonna drink go do something that sober people do. I dunno I wish I could give you an example. Bowling? Movies? Its been a while for me. So fuck you Scott Rick. Not only do I not look stupid holding my 12th Bud Light of the evening, I probably look super cool.