Caped Crusading Hipsters Keeping The New York City Streets Safe

NY Post – New York has been home to real-life caped crusaders for years. Gotham’s legion of real-life superheroes includes a leather-clad martial-arts expert who battles drug dealers, a masked religious hipster who feeds the homeless and an engaged pair of relationship counselors who don star-spangled spandex as the “Transformational Warriors.” Chris Pollak, 25, whose alter ego, “Dark Guardian,” strikes fear in the hearts of drug peddlers in Washington Square Park. The Staten Islander has been patrolling city streets for the last seven years, frequently putting himself in harm’s way. A drug dealer flashed a gun at Pollak once, and he has almost come to blows with thugs. Occasionally, Dark Guardian gets an assist from two fellow superheroes, Chaim “Life” Lazaros, 25, and Ben Goldman, 23, a k a “Cameraman,” who has videotaped the Washington Square showdowns. 20-year-old masked sweetheart, “Nyx,” has shown some gumption. Before moving to New Jersey to be with her super man, she lived in Kansas, where she would secretly snap shots of meth labs and send them to the authorities.

Umm is it just me or does Superhero “Life” Lazaros spend his nights walking around buying drugs from people? I mean that’s definitely what he’s doing, right? Like that was a textbook drug dealing handoff if I’ve ever seen one. Hey bro want a toothbrush? Ok give me that fucking eight ball. Now scram before I get the Dark Guardian over here to suck your dick. And what homeless guy wants a toothbrush anyway? Fuck is he going to do with that, dip it in some standing water to brush the non-existant food out of his teeth? Like how about a ham sandwich and a tent you Superhero dickhead? Cape Crusaders got a lot to learn about helping the homeless.

And like I’ve said before I don’t really get down with drugs but I would sit in Washington Square Park all day long slangin’ fucking crack rock and dime bags out the asshole if I had to just to have a run in with Nyx. Don’t know what’s going on behind the mask but from the costume that crime fighting bitch looks like a bonafide dick wrecker.