I Wish They Would Build A Subway On My Block

Metro - John Jurado pays $995 a month for his studio apartment at 1873 Second Ave. And when he’s forced to leave it for thirty days in August, the MTA will pay his rent and give him $167 a day, plus expenses. “No wonder the MTA is broke!” said Jurado, 38, manager of the Ship of Fools bar, who plans to crash with friends. Jurado is one of 40 tenants along Second Avenue who will be temporarily evicted as the MTA reinforces their buildings to dig the subway line. The MTA will pay Jurado a whopping $6,210 for the thirty days he’s out. That’s the housing stipend, plus a $40-per-day food allowance. Elyse Rodriguez, 24, has to move out of her apartment at 1823 Second Ave. this Saturday, June 26. And she’s not exactly crying over it, either. She figures she’ll make out with about $3,000, even after she pays for a temporary sublet in East Harlem. And if the work goes longer, Jurado and Rodriguez will get about $167 for each additional day.

How it works:
The MTA gives tenants a choice:
Stay at the Marmara Hotel or find their own housing.
Those who choose the hotel don’t get a check from MTA, which covers the room bills directly.
Those who find a place on their own are compensated. Richly.
Studio dwellers get $167 per day.
One-bedroom tenants get $200 per day.
Two-bedroom tenants get $300 per day.

Yo $167 a day? 60 grand a year? For nothing? Wam bam thank you ma’am sign me the fuck up! I’m RICH BITCH! I mean 60 grand a year from the MTA! You know how much Spaghetti O’s I can buy with that kind of scrilla? I’ll have snacks for days. I love how I gotta pay like $600 for a monthly metro card and I find out Super Mario here is making fuckin CAKE for nothing.

But here’s my question. Would you take the money, or would you live for free in the Hotel? Obviously free money upwards of like $75,000 is out of this world. But you know what’s fuckin sweet? Living in a hotel on someone elses peso. You shoulda seen me down in Vegas with my dad's corporate card. Walked in that room and the first thing I did was start jumping on the bed. Suited up in one of those free robes. Threw on my swim trunks and hit the indoor swimming pool. After dinner I cracked open the mini fridge and treated myself to a 30 dollar snickers. I was like Kevin McCallister staying in the Plaza in Home Alone 2. (Actually that last part is a lie our mini fridge was empty because Dad is cheap as fuck). But the point is checking into a hotel will always make you feel like an giddy 8 year old. And you can’t put a price on that feeling.

Fuck that, yes you can. That price is $60K a year. I’ll take what’s behind Door #2, MTA.