http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9a2zPlcV-s
(As hard as it may be, make sure you watch the whole thing)
Seriously I just got off the phone with Mama. Gave her one of those “Hey Ma, I just called to say I love you.” Naturally she was like “Shut the fuck up Jonathan, don’t you have some pornography to jack off to n the intraweb?” But anyway the point remains the worst thing my mom ever made me do was turn me into a Sox fan. Which now that I think about it may be equally as scarring as this fiasco but whatever I’m still happy my mom never made me film her pretending to be a video girl.
Which brings me to my next point. Who the fuck is filming this? Because you got the little man in the wife beater who simply doesn’t know any better. Dude probably hasn’t even gone to kindergarten yet for all he knows this is normal mommy behavior. Can’t fault him. But then I looked at the kid in the red shorts and black hat who is like 10 years old. That kid is certainly old enough to know that its not normal to give your mom a whip cream facial and watch her oil up her expansive gut and douse herself with Easy Mac. By that point you’ve got a pretty good grasp of what’s morally right and wrong and this is For Sure Wrong.
And following a rational train of thought through this irrational trainwreck, I think its safe to assume the oldest child is behind the camera. I mean all know its not the father for a plethora of reasons and there’s no way this creature could hold down a boyfriend either. Nope, that cameraman has probably gotta be like a 16 year old dude. Just filming his mammoth mom while she pops, locks and drops it. Zooming in and out, trying to capture the sexual essence of the Whopper that birthed him. Scary stuff here, folks. Scary stuff.
PS – Hands down favorite part of this video is at the 1:21 mark when the little dude tries to plug up that GIGANTIC belly button with the paper napkin thing. That thing is like a man made lake. Could hold a few gallons.
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