Spring Hill, Florida – Hernando County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a crash at the intersection of Northcliffe Boulevard and Deltona Boulevard early Monday morning. But a crash, an injured driver and an alleged drunk driver weren’t all they had to deal with. According to an arrest report, the at-fault driver defecated in his pants during the DUI investigation. Brian Matthew Collins, 35, had a “very strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from his breath, slurred speech and bloodshot watery eyes,” when the deputy approached his car, according to the arrest report. Collins told deputies he’d had four vodka and cranberry drinks at the Mermaid Lounge. He agreed to cooperate in a DUI investigation and during said exercises, “I did observe that Brian did defecate his pants,” the arrest report read.
4 cranberries and vodkas? Haha! What a fucking pussy this guy is! Bro I get about 12 Cape Codders deep before I start shitting my pants at the bar. Fucking lightweight. Guys who think they’re so badass because they can chug 5 gallons of Guiness and 38 shots of whiskey in 4 seconds. Big deal. You think that’s badass? Try slamming 6 Apple Martinis with a Cosmo chaser at the Ritz homie. That shit will put some hair on your chest and make you dump your pants like you read about.
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