ESPN – Burress, who is in a New York state prison until June 2011 on felony weapons possession charges, applied for work release last month and is expected to get a ruling from state authorities by the beginning of the NFL season on Sept. 9. The league — which had previously stated that Burress’ suspension would end upon completion of his sentence — said that if he is granted a work release, his suspension would be lifted. However, because of the terms of the work-release program, which usually calls for a prisoner to work Monday through Friday but return to prison on the weekends, the chances of him being able to play football anytime soon are remote. It is possible, but not likely, that the department of corrections would grant special privileges.
I mean am I just a fucking genius or is this almost too perfect? Plax can’t work weekends and he can’t leave the state. And it just so happens that at Barstool HQ, not working weekends and not leaving your apartment are two of the main requirements for the job. Just a few short weeks of posting links of college girls lighting farts or D-List celebrity sex tapes, and people will forget about the whole shooting-yourself-in-the-leg thing in no time. Its fucking brilliant really. Plax begins his road to redemption and Barstool HQ adds a marquee free agent. And your boy can start drinking promptly at 5:00 instead of waiting to see if the mystery intern posted the links or not. Its a win-win situation for everyone if I’ve ever seen one.
P.S. I’d give Plax 3 days on the job before he holds out for a long-term contract and more guaranteed money because the guaranteed money right now is $0
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