Three Things I Used To Care About That I Realized Don't Matter

Three things I used to care about that I slowly realized its a waste of fucking time to spend any energy on.

1) How much you can bench press/lift. Back when I was in high school and I was playing sports and cared about that shit I used to really wish I could lift more weight. At the gym, in the weight room at school, I’d always be embarrassed about not being able to bench as much as the next guy. As I got a little older I realized unless you’re entering the World’s Strongest Man Competition or you’re gonna be a professional furniture mover, that shit just does not matter.

2) How much I can drink. When I was in college I wanted to be the guy who could drink the most beers. Rip the most shots. I wanted to have the highest tolerance. Now I’m seriously like fucccccccck that shit. I guess when you’re in frat boy college mode it seems like a badge of honor and a feat of strength to drink the most and still be in control, but now all that leads to is a bigger gut and an emptier wallet. I wish I had the tolerance of a 15 year old girl.

3) Having the most sex. Listen we all wish we were George Clooney. And I’ve always said no matter how many chicks you have slept with, when you’re on your death bed you’ll always wish your Number was that much higher. But if you think I’m gonna get so worked up over my buddy telling me he can fuck the most that I’m gonna stab him in the ribs you got another thing coming. Truth be told if you wanna start an argument about who can fuck the most, you’re probably gonna win. If we’re talking about endurance, I’m most likely good for a one and done. Roll over and sleep like a baby afterwards. You wanna argue about number of partners? You win, again. I tricked one chick into having regular sex with me, don’t need to entertain the chase. Either way, you win bro. Congratulations. I’m sure you’re the man. I certainly ain’t stabbing you in the ribs because of it